SEX & CHOPSTICKS 1 AND 2

The plot; for those who need it: rich and powerful Simon Qing (Lam Wai-Kin) has been schooled in the ways of sex by his virile father (Tsui Siu-Keung); but is still a virgin. That is; until he meets his first love Violetta (pornstar Kaera Uehara); who has fun with him all over his father s estate. Alas; their love does not last; so Simon embarks on a journey to; um; do something. Along the way he meets the comely nun Moon (pornstar Hikaru Wakana); who observes his manhood one evening by poking at it with a pair of chopsticks – thus earning the film its English title. Simon deflowers her and marries her; after which he becomes enamored of the small-footed Golden Lotus (pornstar Serina Hayakawa); who s married to dwarf Wu Da-Lang (Ng Chi-Hung; acting unconvincingly on his knees). The two conspire to get rid of him; setting up another marriage for Simon; plus the promise of a second film; where he s supposed to meet Plum (not-a-pornstar Winnie Leung); thereby making his home life a Dallas in the Palace ; not unlike Zhang Yimou s Raise the Red Lantern; except with nudity and worse acting. There; I ve just given away the entire film.